Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

The Office: Sports Edition v2.0

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

Check out Modern Family: Sports Edition while you’re here!

The Office is finally kicking off its Sixth Season this Thursday at 9pm eastern.  Once again, we’re going to cast The Office using people from the sports world. You can check out last year’s effort here.

Lebron James – Charles Minor
New York Knicks – Kelly Kapur
Cleveland Cavs – Angela Martin
It’s no secret that Lebron James is in demand in the NBA — just like Charles was in the office. He had two main suitors, Angela and Kelly, that basically threw themselves at him with reckless abandon. Kelly and Angela don’t have $30 million a year like the Knicks though.

Holly Flax – Jay Cutler
Michael Scott – Denver Broncos
AJ – Chicago Bears

Holly couldn’t handle change when she had to move to Nashua, just like Jay couldn’t handle a new coach. Instead of working things out, they ran away from their problems by requesting a trade. Now AJ and the Bears get to deal with the good and the bad.

Todd Packer – Terrell Owens
Each of these guys thinks he is god’s gift to their workplace, and each of them wears out their welcome in about 15 minutes.  To my knowledge, TO has never taken a dump on the field though…

Ryan Howard – Michelle Wie
Ryan started out with a lot of hype, flew really high, and then crashed and burned. In the past year or so, he seems to be turning things back around. Sound familiar?

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NFL Teams Amusement Park

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

As summer starts to wind down, two things happen: kids start going back to school, and football starts anew. What to do before these things come to pass? Let’s go the Amusement Park…

The Kiddie Rides
Just like Kiddie Rides, you don’t have to stand in long lines to get in to watch these teams. You feel both happy and sad when you’re done, as it just didn’t live up to what you remembered when you were a kid.

2008 Winner: Detroit
2009 Possibilities: Oakland, St. Louis
2009 Favorite: Detroit

The Carnival Games

These teams are pretty fun to watch, whether that be for a certain personality or football reason. But when you really look at it, it is pretty hard for them to win unless you change something pretty drastic.

2008 Winner: Cincinnati
2009 Possibilities: Jacksonville, Cleveland, Kansas City, Washington, Seattle, Cincinnati, San Francisco
2009 Favorite: Denver

The Roller Coasters

Kind of self-explanatory, these teams are poised for (another) year of ups and downs, or in Buffalo’s case, one BIG UP, and a BIG DOWN.

2008 Winner: Buffalo
2009 Possibilities: Baltimore, Green Bay, Chicago, San Diego, Tampa Bay, Houston, Tennesse, Buffalo
2009 Favorite: Minnesota

The Thrill Rides

After waiting in long lines, you finally get there. After riding though, you feel kind of sick and wish there was more substance to it, and perhaps a longer ride. Sounds exactly like the 2008 Patriots to me…

2008 Winner: New England
2009 Possibilities: Arizona, Miami, Dallas, New York Jets, Carolina, Indianapolis
2009 Favorite: New Orleans

The Bumper Cars

Keep all hands and feet inside the car and try to avoid all head-on collisions. These are the big-bumpers that you don’t want to face until the Playoffs in 2010.

2008 Winner: Pittsburgh
2009 Possibilities: New England, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, New York Giants, Atlanta
2009 Favorite: We’ll see in February

More NE Patriots Draft:
2009 NFL All-Food Team
Joe Horn Effect

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The Joe Horn Effect, Or Why Twitter Will Need a Few More Servers

Monday, July 20th, 2009

When Verizon CEO Ivan Seidenberg cashed his $20.2 million dollar check in 2008, he should have given a large chunk of that to one Mr. Joe Horn. Twitter CEO Evan Williams and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell should start listening up. Horn, a former NFL WR famous for his cellular telephonic celebration during a 2003 game against the Giants, made a huge contribution to the mobile telephone industry.

Worldwide subscribers in 2003 were estimated to be at around 900 million. Six years following Joe Horn popularizing the handheld mode of communication, experts estimate the 2010 subscriber total will be near 3.6 billion. Propelling an entire global industry to 4x growth in just over six years is nothing short of a miracle.

Chad Ochocinco promises to do the same thing for the micro-blogging industry this coming season. OGOchoCinco, a Twitter fanatic, promises to tweet during an NFL game this year, regardless of the cost.

“There’s a lot of things they don’t want me to do. I do it anyway. They know that. I don’t know why they even fussing about it. … When I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it, regardless of what they say.”

Joe Horn was fined 30k for his infraction, one can only assume that Ochocinco would get even a heavier fine.

Commissioner Goodell and CEO Williams, however, need to see the marketing possibilities in this venture. Provided that the Joe Horn Effect holds true, Twitter’s 4.5 million users in 2009 will turn into more than 18 million users by 2015. If anyone can find a way to monetize Twitter, I’m sure that it is the NFL.

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2009 NFL All-Food Team

Sunday, June 7th, 2009

In 2008, we brought you the first NFL All-Food Team from NE Patriots Draft. We’re back at it again with the 2009 version of this prestigious group. Without further adieu, the 2009 NFL All-Food Team:


QB- Cleo Lemon, Jaguars (2008-Cleo Lemon)
RB- Glen Coffee, 49ers (2008-Ray Rice)

WR- Dallas Baker, Steelers (2008-Ronald Curry)
WR- Sidney Rice, Vikings (2008-Sidney Rice)
TE- Jared Cook, Titans (2008-Agle Crumpler)
TE- Chad Mustard, UFA (2008-Chad Mustard)

OL- Dustin Fry, Seahawks (2008-Dustin Fry)
OL- Rich Ohrnberger, Patriots (2008-Todd Weiner)
OL- Mike Butterworth, Falcons (2008-Ryan Cook) – Wife’s not happy.
OL- Nick Hennessey, Bills (2008-Sam Baker)
OL- Erik Pears, Raiders (2008-Brian Waters)


DE- Bertrand Berry, Cardinals (2008-Julius Peppers)
DE- Paul Spicer, Saints (2008-Calais Campbell)
DT- Vince Wilfork, Patriots (2008-Vince Wilfork)
DT- Jamaal Fudge, Jaguars (2008-Sam Adams)

LB- Jerod Mayo, Patriots (2008-Jerod Mayo)
LB- Aaron Curry, Seahawks (2008-Tedy Bruschi)
LB- Calvin Pace, Jets (2008-Anthony Waters) – “New York City!”

DB- Darnell Bing, Lions (2008-Robert Bean)
DB- Benny Sapp, Vikings(2008-Terrence Wheatley)
DB- Brian Witherspoon, Jaguars (2008-Gerome Sapp)
DB- Emanuel Cook, Jets (2008-Roy Williams)

Add your own favorites below!

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Patrick Chung > Chuck Norris

Friday, May 8th, 2009
Patrick Chung is Better Than YouPhoto By Matthew West

Below are some Patrick Chung-isms, based loosely (entirely) on the whole Chuck Norris phenomenon. Some of these are our own creation, some are rehashed Norris fodder, and some are the work of the great posters at You can read even more by following this link.

Patrick Chung was drafted 34th in the draft… because that’s when he decided to enter it.

Patrick Chung’s side of the field is the homicide.

Patrick Chung did wind sprints at practice this morning. There were no survivors.

Patrick Chung added a “C” to his last name because he feels no need to insult your intelligence.

When confronted with Patrick Chung, white men can jump.

Nobody talks about Wang any more, only Patrick knows why.

Patrick Chung put the laughter in manslaughter.

Patrick Chung knows what state The Simspons live in: The state of fear.

Knock, knock. Who’s th.. (TACKLE)

After playing against Patrick Chung, TO gave a press conference to complain that the Bills were throwing the ball to him too much.

Brett Favre retired in anticipation of Patrick Chung coming to Foxborough.

Patrick Chung is classier than LaDanian Tomlinson.

The San Diego Chargers aren’t all on steroids, Chung merely sneezed while attending one of their games.

Please add your own in the comments below!

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NRA Protesting Treatment of Favre by Jets

Monday, November 17th, 2008
Brett Favre GunslingerNever Again?

The treatment of Brett Favre by Coach Eric Mangini and the New York Jets organization has gone over the line, according to NRA President John C. Sigler. “We have had the right to bear arms for over 200 years, and I’ll be damned if we’re going to sit idly by and watch this classless organization walk all over the 2nd Amendment,” stated Sigler at a Friday morning press conference, following the Jets 34-31 overtime victory over the New England Patriots.

In public, Mangini has only commented on Favre’s poor blackjack play, briefly commenting “You talk through it. You just stress, don’t hit on 20, like, sometimes, it’s OK to stay and see what the dealer has.” Behind closed doors however, The NRA contends that Mangini has used his authority to deny Favre the right to own and use firearms.

Against the Patriots, Favre didn’t sling a single gun all night, leading some to believe that Favre has agreed to the situation. Sigler however, won’t be buying in to Mangini’s plan anytime soon. “We will still sling guns from our cold, dead, hands — in Green Bay anyway.”

Brett Favre was unavailable for comment.

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Saved By Zero

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008

Saved by Zero
This commercial has gone too far. Writing this sentence 45 minutes into Monday Night Football, this monstrosity has been played at least 4 times already. It might be more, but I blacked out for a moment after punching my ears. If I owned a Toyota, I would light it on fire.

Saved By Zero is so bad, that it already has its own facebook group bent on the commercial’s destruction.

This is Our Country
Not only was this commercial annoying, but it went on for over two years, with many different variations mauling viewers from coast to coast. If I ever see John Cougar Mellencamp, I will pick him up and drop him.

What other commercial annoys the heck out of you? If you leave a comment, I will find it and add it here.

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