Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Spotlight on Joey Porter

Monday, November 9th, 2009

Joey Porter was oddly silent on and off the field yesterday…

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Colts Week!

Sunday, November 8th, 2009

For Immediate Release:
Discovery Channel

Colts vs Patriots, the NFL’s best rivalry week, will feature Tom Brady and Peyton Manning and a large supporting cast. Find out if Colts behave any differently during the day than at night (kickoff at 8:20pm); what makes certain areas of the world Patriot attack “hot spots” (Tennessee, London); and what still puzzles scientists about the most feared Patriot of them all – the great Randy Moss. The week will be rounded out by some of the most popular and memorable cliches from past years.

Once again this year, NBC will educate the public about the plight of Colts around the world through public service announcements produced in conjunction with Jim Irsay. The PSAs will air each night during primetime, informing viewers about threats currently facing the Colts, such as videotapes, DVD’s, piped-in crowd noise, and Tony Dungy’s dome.

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Belichcik Not Wearing Pink Hoodie

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

Unfortunately, Bill Belichick won’t be rocking the pink hoodie this Sunday, according to All Things Bill Belichick. Many teams and stadiums are turning things pink in support of the fight against breast cancer during this week’s NFL games.

After going for it on 4th down against Atlanta, we know that Bill has guts. But until he gets some fashion guts, we’ll just have to settle for the picture above.

For more talk about this week’s Patriots / Ravens game, check out the Pre-Game Meal.

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Patriots Defenders Taking Sensitivity Classes

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

During last week’s Monday Night Football game played against the Buffalo Bills the Patriots were flagged with two blatant “roughing the passer” calls. After the game, owner Bob Kraft and Coach Bill Belichick knew they had to do something to avoid these calls in the future.

Belichick felt that the insensitivity didn’t end with Vince Wilfork and Adalius Thomas, who were the two guilty parties last Monday. “Pretty soon, all of my defenders are going to want to hit the quarterback. That’s not kosher here in the NFL,” related the Patriots head coach. Belichick was extremely disappointed in his defenders as they repeatedly showed no respect for QB Trent Edwards’ well-being.

Therefore, Coach Belichick brought in some outside help to stamp out the unneeded aggressive behavior in his defenders, and try to help the players show some empathy to the opposing team. Mr. Brown, lead sensitivity trainer, had this to say, “We’ll see if this works on Sunday, but these guys really showed some progress in their counseling. I don’t think Mark Sanchez has anything to worry about.”

Let’s hope that’s the case, as nobody wants to see football players hitting each other anymore.

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The Office: Sports Edition v2.0

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

Check out Modern Family: Sports Edition while you’re here!

The Office is finally kicking off its Sixth Season this Thursday at 9pm eastern.  Once again, we’re going to cast The Office using people from the sports world. You can check out last year’s effort here.

Lebron James – Charles Minor
New York Knicks – Kelly Kapur
Cleveland Cavs – Angela Martin
It’s no secret that Lebron James is in demand in the NBA — just like Charles was in the office. He had two main suitors, Angela and Kelly, that basically threw themselves at him with reckless abandon. Kelly and Angela don’t have $30 million a year like the Knicks though.

Holly Flax – Jay Cutler
Michael Scott – Denver Broncos
AJ – Chicago Bears

Holly couldn’t handle change when she had to move to Nashua, just like Jay couldn’t handle a new coach. Instead of working things out, they ran away from their problems by requesting a trade. Now AJ and the Bears get to deal with the good and the bad.

Todd Packer – Terrell Owens
Each of these guys thinks he is god’s gift to their workplace, and each of them wears out their welcome in about 15 minutes.  To my knowledge, TO has never taken a dump on the field though…

Ryan Howard – Michelle Wie
Ryan started out with a lot of hype, flew really high, and then crashed and burned. In the past year or so, he seems to be turning things back around. Sound familiar?

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NFL Teams Amusement Park

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

As summer starts to wind down, two things happen: kids start going back to school, and football starts anew. What to do before these things come to pass? Let’s go the Amusement Park…

The Kiddie Rides
Just like Kiddie Rides, you don’t have to stand in long lines to get in to watch these teams. You feel both happy and sad when you’re done, as it just didn’t live up to what you remembered when you were a kid.

2008 Winner: Detroit
2009 Possibilities: Oakland, St. Louis
2009 Favorite: Detroit

The Carnival Games

These teams are pretty fun to watch, whether that be for a certain personality or football reason. But when you really look at it, it is pretty hard for them to win unless you change something pretty drastic.

2008 Winner: Cincinnati
2009 Possibilities: Jacksonville, Cleveland, Kansas City, Washington, Seattle, Cincinnati, San Francisco
2009 Favorite: Denver

The Roller Coasters

Kind of self-explanatory, these teams are poised for (another) year of ups and downs, or in Buffalo’s case, one BIG UP, and a BIG DOWN.

2008 Winner: Buffalo
2009 Possibilities: Baltimore, Green Bay, Chicago, San Diego, Tampa Bay, Houston, Tennesse, Buffalo
2009 Favorite: Minnesota

The Thrill Rides

After waiting in long lines, you finally get there. After riding though, you feel kind of sick and wish there was more substance to it, and perhaps a longer ride. Sounds exactly like the 2008 Patriots to me…

2008 Winner: New England
2009 Possibilities: Arizona, Miami, Dallas, New York Jets, Carolina, Indianapolis
2009 Favorite: New Orleans

The Bumper Cars

Keep all hands and feet inside the car and try to avoid all head-on collisions. These are the big-bumpers that you don’t want to face until the Playoffs in 2010.

2008 Winner: Pittsburgh
2009 Possibilities: New England, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, New York Giants, Atlanta
2009 Favorite: We’ll see in February

More NE Patriots Draft:
2009 NFL All-Food Team
Joe Horn Effect

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The Joe Horn Effect, Or Why Twitter Will Need a Few More Servers

Monday, July 20th, 2009

When Verizon CEO Ivan Seidenberg cashed his $20.2 million dollar check in 2008, he should have given a large chunk of that to one Mr. Joe Horn. Twitter CEO Evan Williams and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell should start listening up. Horn, a former NFL WR famous for his cellular telephonic celebration during a 2003 game against the Giants, made a huge contribution to the mobile telephone industry.

Worldwide subscribers in 2003 were estimated to be at around 900 million. Six years following Joe Horn popularizing the handheld mode of communication, experts estimate the 2010 subscriber total will be near 3.6 billion. Propelling an entire global industry to 4x growth in just over six years is nothing short of a miracle.

Chad Ochocinco promises to do the same thing for the micro-blogging industry this coming season. OGOchoCinco, a Twitter fanatic, promises to tweet during an NFL game this year, regardless of the cost.

“There’s a lot of things they don’t want me to do. I do it anyway. They know that. I don’t know why they even fussing about it. … When I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it, regardless of what they say.”

Joe Horn was fined 30k for his infraction, one can only assume that Ochocinco would get even a heavier fine.

Commissioner Goodell and CEO Williams, however, need to see the marketing possibilities in this venture. Provided that the Joe Horn Effect holds true, Twitter’s 4.5 million users in 2009 will turn into more than 18 million users by 2015. If anyone can find a way to monetize Twitter, I’m sure that it is the NFL.

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