Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

NFL Playoffs Final Four: Jersey Shore Style

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

What, you would have preferred Mark Sanchez?
Staff Writer: B. DelaBarrera

Sports, at least in America have changed drastically in the last decade or two. The NFL season, in general, is one that is now jam-packed with theatrics and insanity. Thanks to the media, fans can now indulge themselves in issues surrounding players’ personal lives. It’s funny to me to think about how the demand for constant news and information has turned some of the biggest sports in to reality dramas.

After reading ESPN writer Bill Simmons’ NFL Playoff Picks mega column where he compares the Wildcard Weekend playoff games to character’s in MTV’s Jersey Shore reality television program, I got to thinking that it could be pretty entertaining to go in more detail and compare the four remaining teams that are playing for their conference titles to individual characters in the same show, which just happened to have its season finale last night. I mean how perfect is that? The NFL loves drama and there is no better place to look for more of it than in the lifestyles of 8 guidos (and guidettes) spending a summer in Seaside Heights, New Jersey.

Being a New Jersey native myself, I can attest that while some of the situations (no pun intended) are realistic, most people in the Garden State do not act like that. It’s a little embarrassing to see my home portrayed in that way on national TV and have to explain to my fellow students at in Massachusetts that it really isn’t that way. Most of that cast isn’t even from New Jersey. But whatever, it makes us all laugh.

Moving on with Business…

The NFL Conference Championships x MTV’s Jersey Shore:

The AFC – starring:

* The New York Jets as Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino -> This was a no-brainer. Loud, obnoxious, and full of trash talk are attributes that can describe both the Jets and The Situation. During 2009, whether you were at the Jersey Shore, in New York, or just watching TV you could hear smash-talk quotes about other players, not kissing rings, abs, sex, techno, and playing in Week 2 Super Bowls. Both The Situation and the J-E-T-S have appeared to achieve some pretty impressive goals this year. If the Jets can learn anything from The Situation: it is that most of these situations end in failure. The Jets really don’t want to be ” like a half-ass firecracker: just fizzle out real quick and made a loud noise.” You either love them or you hate them. Whatever it is, you can’t help to be a little taken back by what both have done andhave some kind of appreciation for it. Plus, Rex Ryan already is “The Situation plus 40 Years of Cheese Fries”

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* Indianapolis Colts as Jenni “JWOWW” Farley -> Like JWOWW, people have come to expect certain things from the Colts that may seem completely ridiculous coming from anyone else. Whether it be dismissing sexual interaction as cheating because house music is playing or clawing back from a 17-point fourth quarter deficit, it just doesn’t seem that far-fetched when it comes from either of these two. JWOWW was once quoted saying, “I’m like a praying mantis. After I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.” Peyton Manning is no different; he’ll host another team in their house for a nice game of football and by the end of four quarters the visitor is left demoralized, saddened, and destroyed. He’ll even shake your hand and give you some advice after! During the Jersey Shore season, JWOWW has proved to the world that she can push the limits when it comes to club attire. There is no piece of cloth that is too damaged for her to throw on before a night out. Holes are actually preferred by JWOWW. In a similar fashion, the Indianapolis Colts have proven that regardless of the many holes in their defense, they too can still go out and look good.

The NFC – starring:

* The Minnesota Vikings as Paul “DJ Pauly D” Delvecchio -> Ignoring all of the Favre-a-Palooza, not too many surprising or shocking stories come out of Minnesota base camp and Pauly D doesn’t do that many outlandish things. However, both are entirely way too entertaining to watch in their natural habitat. Clubbing, practicing, picking up girls, or playing football aside: they both play their respective games very hard and they do it every day. The bottom line, though, is that Brett Favre is honestly way too old to be doing what he is doing this year… and so is Pauly D.

* The New Orleans Saints as Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi -> The end of the Saints’ path to perfection looked remarkably, to me, like being sucker-punched in the face. Like Snooki, the Saints are a little unpredictable. Viewers know that something is going to happen that causes their mouth to drop, they just don’t know what. No matter how bad the hangover is or the loss last night was, they’re ready to go out and do it again the next day. Their inexperience makes them easy candidates for failure when facing older men. But even if you secretly hate them, you love watching them in action. At the end of the day, you realize that they’re both the most likable option to see succeed… plus, Jeremey Shockey has the same STDs that Snooki probably does.


Randy Moss vs Randy Moss: Dance-off

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

If you haven’t seen the Randy Moss lookalike dance video yet, it is worth a watch. Fast forward to about the 2:30 mark, and watch your volume as the Gillette Stadium crowd gets pretty loud!

Here is the video of Randy Moss and a fan doing his trademark touchdown celebration dance during the Patriots 35-7 thumping of the Jaguars.

Jabba The Rex

Friday, November 20th, 2009

Courtesy of the Global Sports Fraternity, we bring you Jabba The Rex. Can Luke SkyWelker and Han Brady defeat Jabba the Rex and the evil Jets empire?

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Spotlight on Joey Porter

Monday, November 9th, 2009

Joey Porter was oddly silent on and off the field yesterday…

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Colts Week!

Sunday, November 8th, 2009

For Immediate Release:
Discovery Channel

Colts vs Patriots, the NFL’s best rivalry week, will feature Tom Brady and Peyton Manning and a large supporting cast. Find out if Colts behave any differently during the day than at night (kickoff at 8:20pm); what makes certain areas of the world Patriot attack “hot spots” (Tennessee, London); and what still puzzles scientists about the most feared Patriot of them all – the great Randy Moss. The week will be rounded out by some of the most popular and memorable cliches from past years.

Once again this year, NBC will educate the public about the plight of Colts around the world through public service announcements produced in conjunction with Jim Irsay. The PSAs will air each night during primetime, informing viewers about threats currently facing the Colts, such as videotapes, DVD’s, piped-in crowd noise, and Tony Dungy’s dome.

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Belichcik Not Wearing Pink Hoodie

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

Unfortunately, Bill Belichick won’t be rocking the pink hoodie this Sunday, according to All Things Bill Belichick. Many teams and stadiums are turning things pink in support of the fight against breast cancer during this week’s NFL games.

After going for it on 4th down against Atlanta, we know that Bill has guts. But until he gets some fashion guts, we’ll just have to settle for the picture above.

For more talk about this week’s Patriots / Ravens game, check out the Pre-Game Meal.

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Patriots Defenders Taking Sensitivity Classes

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

During last week’s Monday Night Football game played against the Buffalo Bills the Patriots were flagged with two blatant “roughing the passer” calls. After the game, owner Bob Kraft and Coach Bill Belichick knew they had to do something to avoid these calls in the future.

Belichick felt that the insensitivity didn’t end with Vince Wilfork and Adalius Thomas, who were the two guilty parties last Monday. “Pretty soon, all of my defenders are going to want to hit the quarterback. That’s not kosher here in the NFL,” related the Patriots head coach. Belichick was extremely disappointed in his defenders as they repeatedly showed no respect for QB Trent Edwards’ well-being.

Therefore, Coach Belichick brought in some outside help to stamp out the unneeded aggressive behavior in his defenders, and try to help the players show some empathy to the opposing team. Mr. Brown, lead sensitivity trainer, had this to say, “We’ll see if this works on Sunday, but these guys really showed some progress in their counseling. I don’t think Mark Sanchez has anything to worry about.”

Let’s hope that’s the case, as nobody wants to see football players hitting each other anymore.

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