NFL Jump to Conclusions Week

Well, Week 1 of the NFL Season is over and it is now time for everyone to jump to conclusions, a la Tom Smykowsi from Office Space. You just witnessed a little over 6% of the season. Did you know whether “300” or “Dark Knight” was going to be awesome after eight minutes?

Not every team that lost badly this week is going to be terrible. Not every team that won impressively is going to the Superbowl. Some guys will step up for injured stars, and some other players will get injured later.Based on some of the projections we’ve read already, here are ten conclusions we jumped to for this 2009 NFL campaign.

1. The Patriots will finish 1-15, with a peg-legged Tom Brady signing on as a QB coach next year.

2. Vince Young will be in a padded room by Week 12.

3. Michael Turner’s 2800 yard season will shatter all the records.

4. The Chargers will finish with 32 players on IR, with Nate Kaeding playing TE, K, and CB by the end of the year.

5. The 15-1 Cowboys will face the 15-1 Steelers in the “Superbowl of the Century.”

6. The Jets will release Mike Nugent and sign another WR, as they don’t need kickers.

7. Bernard Pollard will be the UFC Middleweight champion.

8. The Colts will release Peyton Manning.

9. Jimmy Traina, Andy Gray, and the rest of the Extra Mustard crew will post about Women’s Tennis. A lot.

10. MVP and Rookie of the Year Matt Ryan will continue to wow the Atlanta natives by putting Pepsi out of business, convincing Lebron to come to Atlanta, and not killing domesticated animals.

What conclusions are you jumping to already?

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7 Responses to “NFL Jump to Conclusions Week”

  1. Sean says:

    The Vince Young story was the most entertaining thing to come out of the weekend.

  2. Admin says:

    Maybe he’d sell out a game for them

  3. ethanator1088 says:

    Matt Ryan is so athletic he should quit football and save the Braves season.

  4. Admin says:

    Yeah, Vince Young seems a bit unstable.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Vince Young is insane!

  6. Neil Joshi says:

    I’ve come to the conclusion that Reggie Bush will smash Marvin Harrison’s single season catch record and reach 150… haha yea right, nice post

  7. BlueWorkhorse says:

    Yes, I’ve always wanted to see LeBron donning the Hawks jersey. Thanks Mattie. I knew you were going to be a savior.

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