For seven months, the intense sun has beaten down on the turf and grass of these NFL fields, but in October the air fills with the promise of glory, riding on a cool breeze. As we gaze out upon the verdant field, we see many different species of the elusive NFL receiver. Ah yes, here come some now.
Eldoradus Ochocincus
Description: Seems to communicate in own language that is hard to understand, tends to mark territory with elaborate dances.
Species Variations: Terrell Owens, Chad Johnson, Plaxico Burress
Ancestor: Keyshawn Johnson
Freakazoidus Athleticus
Description: Possible mutant species that exhibits remarkable physical traits and abilities that border on the impossible.
Species Variations: Dwayne Bowe, Andre Johnson, Calvin Johnson
Ancestor: Randy Moss
Sparticus Minisculis
Description: Smallish, with no regard for their own well-being, often found running from predators.
Species Variations: Wes Welker, Steve Smith, Deion Branch
Ancestor: Az-Zahir Hakim
Binkyus Comfortus
Description: This species is very reliable, sticking to a strict routine and running in a very predictable fashion. Exhibits incredible hand-eye coordination.
Species Variations: Brandon Marshall, T.J. Houshmanzadeh, Marvin Harrison
Ancestor: Art MonkMore NE Patriots Draft:
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Thursday, October 2, 2008
National Geographic: Wide Receiver Species
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Funny stuff man.
How about Blindus Cantcatchus: Troy Williamson
You could say that Michael Irvin was Sheshaun's ancestor, but then again, you could always go back further for all of those.
Why is the Browns' defender grabbing Steve Smith's junk?
I'm a fan of the "Freakazoidus Athleticus", I've got all 3 of those guys on my fantasy team.
santana moss should be in the small, fast category
Agreed anon -- Moss would definitely fit there.
No Braylon Edwards?
Brandon Marshall's a beast. He's very fast for his size and he plays very physically. They call him Baby TO for a reason. He's not in the right category.
Where is Jerry Rice, and Roy Williams?
Rice is an alien - thus no species, and Roy Williams doesn't deserve one.
Freakazoidus Athleticus= Anquan Boldin
Freakazoidus Athleticus must include Larry Fitzgerald. He's like the direct descendant of Randy Moss.
Sorry, but Marshall is definitely the Freakazoidus Athleticus variety here. Bad call
where does fitzgerald and boldin fit in this?
I'd say they are Binkys and Freaks
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