Allow me to leave the world of the NFL for a moment. “Pineapple Express” is coming out Wednesday, August 6th, and I haven’t been this excited for a movie since, well, “The Dark Knight”. Seth Rogen movies always kill me, so we’ve decided to compile the ten best lines from the movies he’s starred in. One instance of NSFW language will follow ladies and gents.
10. “If I have to hear ‘Yah mo Be There’ one more time, I’m going to ‘Yah mo’ burn this place to the ground.” Paul Rudd, playing David, who isn’t very fond of Michael McDonald in the 40 Year Old Virgin.
9. “Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” Paul Rudd again, this time playing Pete, who doesn’t have the greatest marriage ever in Knocked Up.
8. “Got to go meet my wife and watch ‘The Sisterhood of the Traveling Ya-Ya Pants.’ I don’t know. How late do you get to stay up? I used to have midnight. Do you get midnight? Beacuse I was late once…” Seth Rogen, as Neil, the Doug Christie of movies in You, me, and Dupree.
7. “Please take the chairs away. I don’t like them. The big one is staring at me and that short one is being very droll.” Seth Rogen, playing Ben Stone, finding out that shrooms and chairs aren’t a good combination in Knocked Up.
6. “You old, she pregnant. Can’t have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around. That’s crazy, I’m only allowed to let in five percent black people. He said that, that means if there’s 25 people here I get to let in one and a quarter black people. So I gotta hope there’s a midget in the crowd.” Craig Robinson, of The Office fame, playing the hilarious doorman in Knocked Up.
5. “Thug life.” Danny Mcbride, playing Red, the furthest thing from a thug you have ever seen in Pineapple Express.
4. “Stay calm, okay? Let’s not lose our heads. It’s… it’s a fine ID; it’ll… it’s gonna work. It’s passable, okay? This isn’t terrible. I mean, it’s up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think ‘Here’s another kid with a fake ID’ or ‘Here’s McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor’. “ Michael Cera, as Evan, talking himself into backing McLovin’s underage liquor buying in Superbad.
3. “Today’s forecast? Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by.” Haziz, played by Shelley Malil, commenting to his friend about Jay and a customer arguing in the 40 year old Virgin.
2. “We would just like it if you go home and step on the scale, and write down how much you weigh, and subtract it by like, 20.” Kristen Wiig, as Jill, telling Katherine Heigl something that she should not do under any circumstances in Knocked Up.
1. “I hope you have a big trunk… because I’m puttin’ my bike in it.” Steve Carrell, as Andy, with the best pick-up line (literally) ever from the 40 year old Virgin.